Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

Senior’s Surfing

Recently my father was diagnosed with Cancer. My mother stayed with me while he underwent surgery to remove the Adeno Metastatic Cancer in his lymph node under his arm. After spending the day at the hospital my mother wanted to inform all of her friends that my father was in recovery and doing well. Mom asked if she could email her friends and use my computer. I said “sure” and passed my computer to her. In a quiet voice she indicated to me that my dad always “got her on her email”. After we informed her friends I downloaded several tools to help ……I thought. However, what was easy and commonplace for me totally confused a lady raised a time when up and down loading met helping out on the farm. I opened a facebook account and we found several of her friends and family members.

Now if you want to see the internet through entirely different eyes go surfing with your mom. I said “What do you want to see, or know and find out”. After mentioning several boring subjects I googled Beethoven’s 9th. My mother was enchanted with the YouTube videos that put into focus the New York Symphony in action. Quickly she shouted ” Magic Flute” two seconds later her eyes closed and she was in seventh heaven. After the classics I introduced mom to Susan Boyle. It was 9.00 when we started. The evening progressed into the livingroom. The scene was set with candles, wine and my laptop. We sat there side by side and the time flew. It was 1:30 when I realized how late it was.

My father is fine now. However, now when my mom comes to visit we update her facebook page and go Surfing. With the computer in our laps, and the candles lit I see my mother in an entirely different light.

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New Years Resolutions Day 40

Okay on this cold and yucck day I need an excuse not to go to fitness today. Who has one.

Let see. Car won’t start…… It did!
Outfit is dirty and smelly……. just cleanned it!
Showered already ….true but after exercise you will need to shower again.
I have a big partyto plan for ….nope
no chocolate in the house so there is nothing to exercise off. ……. RU Kidding me.
Got a headache…take an aspirin.
Got to go to Rotary….. So its only 4:00
Can I call it in. NO

Everyone I need some inspiration.

New Year’s Resolution – Day 2

New Years Resolution- Day 2
Halaluah!  Any one doubting the presence of a great being didn’t step on the scale with me today….. 169 lbs!   Okay, so I am trying to figure out how I could have lost so much weight.
I figure the fitness staff are deliberately playing a trick on us fitness bluffs and lower the weights by a couple of pounds. Or 2. the hormones really make that much of a difference.
Last night I watched the 650 lb virgin and thought wow and I am fussing about 30 lbs.  However those 30 lbs jumped on board since my wedding and at that rate I would be homeless in 2 years. My new husband has always said he doesn’t mind if I get really overweight ….except where am I going to live.
So Last night if it wasn’t for this blog that I had written yesterday I would have cheated. 3 Times I went into the kitchen and if I had not written that I would not eat after 7:00 …man I could have satisfied the munchies. I was a good  and was rewarded by “losing 3 lbs”  I am still looking for them and will probably find them tomorrow when I step on the scale again.
I have taken my vitamin pills, and exercised for 5 days in 7  so I have kept my resolutions so far.
I went to the bank and starting on Monday I will be hiring a bookkeeper for my new business so then I will see how easy it will be for me to stay on track with my 10,000 in the Black resolution.

New Years Resolutions – 2010

New Year’s Resolutions
I have just watched the movie “Julia and Julia”  its about a woman, Julia Powell’s 2002 challenge to cook all of Julia Child’s recipes in one year, and to blog about it.
I have decided to blog about my New Year’s resolutions for a year and try to document the struggles to actually keep them. I do not know of too many resolutions that are actually followed through to the end of the year so here goes let’s see if I can do what the young Julia did.
My New Year’s resolution.
Starting now. Day 1
1. I am going to return to my pre-menopausal weight and stay that way until the end of the year.
2. I am going exercise, end result I want to be able to participate in spinning, and a 75 minute exercise class period with having to call 911.
3. I want to be consistent about taking my vitamins and being good to my body.
4. Not only am I going to be good to my body but I am also going to be good to my financial side of the equation. By the end of the year I want be 10,000 in the black.
4. I am going to write everyday about my struggles to do this.
Now I think in order to be successful I need to tell you where I am starting from. I have always been a thin sickly kid. Never able to gain weight….not enjoying the time that it would take to consume food. In fact, there was one time that the winter winds would not allow me to walk out of my friend’s door. I had to call my brother to walk through a storm and pull me home like a kite blowing in the wind.
I am 5 feet 9 inches and when I got pregnant with my son I was 111 pounds. At the end of my pregnancy I was huge and had gain 57 pounds. Now I stepped on the scale this afternoon and I am 172 lbs. Are you kidding me? Do the math I am heavier by 5 pounds then when I was 10 months pregnant ( as a side note they say 9 months pregnant but 40 weeks is not 9 months anyway they slice it and if you add an additional 2 and 1/2 weeks on for being late that is 42 almost 11 months….just like an elephant’s) . This menopausal madness has to end.  Okay to some of you this isn’t a problem, however, Menopause is packing on weight that I have noticed is going on at the rate of 10 pounds per year.  This is where it begins.  So if it is meant to be its up to me.
Part of the problem is that I met and married my husband, Henry, June 14th 2008 and as a result eat more appetizers, and consume wines and other calorie ladden beverages. I met him 3 years ago. I was 140 pounds. So that is 32 pounds that I want to lose. I get close to that and fit and I am happy…  Dr Oz said the average woman is in danger of get diabetes if she is over 160 pounds Yikes. Anyway, when I stepped on the scale….after the heart attack and realized that the good life had added that much weight.   I decided right there and then I was cutting out wine for 2 months. Further, No bread shall pass my lips ….bread substitutes yes, but none of that delicious bread with a generous portion of butter that melts into the cracks……stop it.
Okay tonight, will be my first test. I exercised and burned off 220 calories, I am going to increase that by 10 calories every day. I had only one small portion of Sheppard’s pie. No food or snacks after 7:00 I did mention that I was menopausal right and that every time you have a minute to think that thoughts go back to food. Anyway. Join me tomorrow to see if I have broken my NEW YEARS RESOLUTION.

It’s Happening!!!

THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY!
We Must Stop This Immediately

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier.  And, everything is farther away.  Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time!  If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they’re red in the face!  What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age.  On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn’t even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection well, REALLY NOW – even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days!  You’re risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.  All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days.  Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20?  Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank.  Do they think I actually ‘believe’ the number I see on that dial?  HA!  I would never let myself weigh that much!  Just who do these people think they’re fooling?

I’d like to call up someone in authority to report what’s going on — but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they’ve printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there! All I can do is pass along this warning: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

Young at Heart

Young at Heart