New Years Resolution – Day 39

Well it has been a busy month,  and very little time to think about the weight situation. Hormones are flaring, and the February blahs are insight. How is a girl suppose to cope.

Every notice that a woman is given the ”gift” of a fitness membership and thinks” spa and relaxation” and a man buys his membership when he is wants to get buff and pick up chicks.   Last night  I came across this joke and I thought it was appropriate for this post. Enjoy.

A WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. ________________________________ MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god – with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!! ________________________________ TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It’s a whole new life for me. _______________________________ WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too. _______________________________ THURSDAY: Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like te eth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late – it took me that long to tie my shoes. He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine — which I sank. _________________________________ FRIDAY: I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic, anorexic little aerobics instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? ________________________________ SATURDAY: Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel. ________________________________ SUNDAY: I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun — like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

New years resolution – Day 5

Alright!  Stepping on the scale I am ahead of the 2 pounds that I expected to lose this week.  I am still taking my vitamin pills and exercising, I haven’t had a drink in 5 days and I am sleeping my 8 hours.   So almost 1 week down and I am still on track with my New Year’s resolution. 

The funny thing when you start a blog you think that in recording your views that you are able to see where you started from and where you end. However the side effect of blogging is that it acts as a resolution keeper.

Last year, when christmas was looming and i had already had to much egg nog and cookies I went to Dr. Bernstein.  I lost 9 pound in 9 days.  When i tried to repeat that on my own I failed. I didn’t lose and weight and was beating myself up for that. 

What I am discovering is the mere fact of blogging is like one of these pay for service type practises. I am not cheating, I am having success and maybe ….just maybe someone else might decide to share their New Years resolutions and experience the same type of success.

Baby boomers swell ranks of retirement-aged Canadians

Baby boomers swell ranks of retirement-aged Canadians

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